Raising Princesses, Marrying Queens and Empresses Part 3

Raising Princesses, Marrying Queens and Empresses Part 3

By N Oji Mzilikazi

June 14, 2012

(Originally published in the Montreal Community Contact Volume 22, Number 11)

Be a cook in the kitchen, a lady in the streets
you can’t show your teeth to every guy you meet,
it’s alright to be a little sweet,
but be a model with the kids
and you know what in the sheets

– “No Pain No Gain”
Betty Wright

Women have always been the strength and backbone of the family – most organizations – the society. Women do not shy away from boring or grunt work, if that’s what it takes to put food on the table. Women are known to uproot their life in the cause of love, and to give their all. Women have unbelievable strength, patience and fortitude, not to mention powers to stir the emotions and loins.

A cardinal masculine truth is females are never respected, valued or cherished if lacking dignity. There is no dignity without self-respect, uprightness of character, and upholding elevated standards of conduct and behaviour. As such, conscious women embody modesty, carry themselves with dignity, do not play games with their integrity, do not play fast and loose with their sexuality or make themselves sexual objects of disrespect.

The non-stop bombardment of sexual imagery and glossy, air-brushed, counterfeit sexuality, the freedoms afforded by social media, and the pursuit of celebrity and notoriety status are blinding females from seeing themselves as upholders of morality, guardians of righteousness, strong, intelligent, self-confident, having dignity, deserving respect and worthy of respect.

Without principled female role models, young girls are maturing with a defective understanding of what constitutes empowered femininity, and little to no concept of modesty, decency or inner beauty. They cannot grasp that the true test of beauty and sexual attractiveness is turning heads without wearing the racy or exposing cleavage, breasts, butts, or inordinate amount of skin.

They cannot associate sexy to stateliness. Their focus is on the culture of superficial attractiveness; surface beauty, looks, appearances, turning heads, revealing skin, pampering themselves, and shopping for the sake of shopping.

In lacking self-respect, having no sense of worth, no sense of honour and no sense of shame, they are primed to be predators, to exploit themselves, as well as victimized and exploited by others. Is that what we want for our daughters, sisters, granddaughters or nieces?

Just earlier this month, two 15-year-old girls in Ottawa were arrested and charged with “human trafficking, robbery, procuring for prostitution, forcible confinement, sexual assault, assault, uttering threats and abduction.” Police are looking for a third female suspect, a 17-year old.

Using social media, the trio lured girls ranging from 13 to 17 years of age to a city residence and forced them into prostitution with adult males. Police said there is no evidence of gang involvement. The three girls acted alone.

While it’s fashionable to lay blame at the feet of parents over things like those – and some are indeed culpable, it’s but a strategy of distraction.

Business conglomerates and American cultural imperialism is at the heart of the sexualisation of culture, consumerism, the war against the family and the dysfunction that besets us all. It is their manipulation, promotion and advertising – recruiting pop idols and celebrities to sell opulence, decadence, the vapid and swagger that have the young confused, hoodwinked; possession driven, fantasy driven, embracing socially irresponsible attitudes and dismissive of education.

Ignorance makes it impossible to push back. At the same they have governments building super prisons – cities of confinement to warehouse the fallout of outsourcing, globalization, and unemployment.

Extrication from having our souls permanently stolen requires three things; we change our thinking, we empower our daughters – girls, and males must step up to the plate.

With all due respect to single mothers: successes as a single parent and the successes of Black males socialised in matrifocal households do not negate the overall negatives that go hand in hand with solitary parenting.

Given the high rate of incarceration amongst Black males, the huge numbers of Black youths that are clients of social services, the juvenile justice system and the criminal justice system, and the even higher rate of Black youths with behavioural problems, and clearly, women for the most part, are not doing a good job raising children alone. Superwoman has always been a fantasy character. Having to be mother, father and everything else drains and psychologically impairs.

Deliberately getting pregnant to raise children; have a family, and without the agreement, planned involvement and participation of the father – to wear “baby mother” with pride is irresponsible and asinine to say the least.

When you make/have a child, it’s not just for your personal pleasure. Babies don’t stay small for long. That child will eventually interact with the rest of the world. The quality of their socialization determines how well they swim. Prisons and the street are filled with formerly cute, handsome, and designer attired babies.

Claims that financially independence eliminates a woman from needing a man to raise a child are hogwash. It goes against our wiring.

Humans are social animals. Humans need companionship and that sense of belonging. Humans need to feel needed, wanted and loved. Unless wired to the same sex, man needs woman, and woman needs man. Men and women are psychologically codependent. Children need both parents for wholesome development.

If you want to have children – get married or cohabitate. But first choose the right mate. Don’t risk putting your child in the trajectory of self-destruction. Remember the adage, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

At the root of every bitter woman stands a male. For that reason, as well as the penchant for males to pick up and discard women, women are quick to call men dogs. But dogs are a man’s best friend. Dogs love unconditionally. Even in the face of abuse, dogs run to greet their owners.

Women forget that dogs can be trained. Men were once boys. Women give birth to boys. The only way the cycle of female abuse and disrespect can begin to be broken is by women training boy children on how to respect them, and by extension all women. Behaviour is learnt.

Though female self-sufficiency is very common among people of African descent and huge numbers of Black women are gainfully employed, upwardly mobile, have attended, are attending colleges, universities and outstripping Black males in achievement, their self-esteem and sense of self is still precarious. The reflection of Black women in our culture is woeful, so validation for many is non-existent.

Television does not present multidimensional Black female characters. They still adhere to some of the old stereotypes. Black females aren’t given roles as heroines. They aren’t allowed to exude sexuality, or have guys including those from other ethnicities vying for her affection. Often, they are made to look unattractive next to their white counterparts.

The white template of beauty and attractiveness isn’t us. We need to embrace ourselves and don’t think our nose, lips, butt, skin and hair need fixing. There is no reason for the Black female to be weaved out – and supporting a billion dollar hair and skin bleaching industry that target Blacks, but does not profit Blacks.

We need to let our daughter(s) know she is loved, she is beautiful, and she is precious and valued. That dignity, strength of character, sexual integrity, education, knowledge, intelligence, upholding principles, going to church or being religious are noble. And we need to constantly feed her with it, and continue to do so even after it resonate in every fibre of her being. Our daughters need to be fearless – warrior princesses, if they have to stand their ground, and keep their place and space under the sun.


Cory Booker Uncle Tomism

Cory Booker Uncle Tomism

By N Oji Mzilikazi

June 2, 2012

The historical – documentary evidence is clear: when not utterly despised, people of African descent are merely tolerated. That truth is publicly reconfirmed, on display, and witnessed every time a Black celebrity falls from grace or is accused of a crime. Cases in point: Michael Jackson, OJ Simpson, Kobe Bryant, Michael Vick, Barry Bonds, Tiger Woods and Serena Williams.

The practitioners of racism go into a feeding frenzy as well as make sure their voice is the loudest. Bigotry passes itself off as Editorials and Op-Ed pieces and dominates the Letters to the Editor section of newspapers. Online Comments are inundated with vituperative attacks, vitriolic hatred and blatant racism. Talk radio and blogs entertain bigotry, spread lies and hate.

Also, as if the “misdeeds” of that Black person confirms the stereotype of inherent dark-heartedness of the Black race and triggers a genetic recombination of sorts, recessive (unconscious) genes of racism bloom in folks who think of themselves as not having a racist bone in their body, and or boast of having Black friends.

Economics – economic disenfranchisement is at the heart of racism. Racism has repeatedly shown that once you’re Black; education, certification, position, titles, being Christian, Muslim, Jew or other, having a white mother, a white father, marrying, cohabitating, sleeping with or “going around” with whites or members of other races offer no exemption from being victimized or racially profiled.

The minute Barack Obama announced his candidacy for the office of POTUS, racism’s toxicity and carcinogenic properties as well as adherents to its credo increased exponentially. Both Republican and Democratic machinery of orchestrated hostility went into overdrive, and the elephantine and hydra-headed beast that is racism was given free rein.

Racism recruited John Howard, the prime minister of Australia to participate in “wet work.” A mere couple hours after Obama announced his candidacy, Howard broke unwritten diplomatic protocol and in a nationally televised interview in Australia, declared, “If I were running al-Qaeda in Iraq, I would put a circle around March 2008 and be praying as many times as possible for a victory not only for Obama but also for the Democrats.”

The racism directed specifically at Obama is well-documented and overwhelming. Some of their executors included police officers, police chiefs and elected officials.

In September 2009 Congressman Addison Graves (Joe) Wilson, R-South Carolina, egregiously and with pedigreed arrogance interrupted President Barack Obama’s speech to a special joint session of Congress. Wilson had no qualms disrespecting Obama and the office of the President of America.

Shorty after Obama’s inauguration, Rush Limbaugh stated he wanted Obama’s to fail. Limbaugh didn’t care that an Obama’s failure would have serious domestic economic and social repercussions, also threatened America’s status and leadership in the international community.  He was willing to cut off his nose to spoil his face – see America become a Third World country if it ensured Obama never got a second term.

The Mayor of Newark is not a political maverick. He has long been regarded as a rising star. In February 2009, The Observer, a British newspaper introduced Booker to its readers. Its lengthy piece was titled, “The next president of America?” In April 2012 Booker saved a woman from a burning building and was accorded hero status. In 2010 he helped citizens stuck in a snowstorm.

Booker gave the 2012 and fiftieth Commencement Speech at Bard College – the inspirational and uplifting “The Conspiracy of Love.” In introducing him, the speaker let it be known that Martin Luther King, Jr. was its first commencement speaker.

Booker knows exactly how politics works, how racism works and how to maximize opportunities. With potential for great things and the weight of expectations, Meet The Press afforded him a chance to shore up additional political capital. He went for it. Hence, his play as a voice of reason – his stab at Obama, even though both he and the president are Democrats, and Republicans, Tea-partiers and Birthers have never been reasonable or willing to give Obama a break.

Lee Atwater invented the dirty electoral practices of the GOP. During Obama’s presidential run, Ashley Todd, a McCain campaign worker, falsely claimed that a Black man raped, robbed, and carved a “B” into her face because she had a McCain bumper sticker on her car.

After the final presidential debate, the McCain campaign went on a tear with “robocalls” accusing Obama of working “closely with domestic terrorist Bill Ayers, whose organisation bombed the US Capitol, the Pentagon, a judge’s home and killed Americans.”

Given that the Republican obstructionist and race-driven machinery has been waging war against the Obama administration from day one, and over everything, Cory Booker’s umbrage at Obama’s campaign’s ad criticizing Mitt Romney’s record as the head of Bain Capital must be viewed in the light of Uncle Tomism.

Exploitation of dissension within the ranks is par for the political course. The GOP pounced, came up with the “I Stand With Cory Booker” petition, to which Booker, according to ABC News stated, “That slogan had me and my entire staff really fit to be tied,” and lamented, “I’m very upset that I’m being used by the GOP this way.”  What did he expect?

In response to the backlash from fellow Democrats, Booker took to twitter and arrogantly posted, “Sorry I make u sick. And sorry I made a mistake. I’m sorry that 15 seconds on MTP erodes my 20 yrs of work in inner cities around our nation.”

No Booker, you didn’t make a mistake. You miscalculated. You just didn’t want to bide your time. You knew better and were deliberate. As for your 20 years of work – you sacrificed it on the altar of political expediency. It can no longer be a saving grace. Now if you do some serious repenting…

Raising Princesses, Marrying Queens and Empresses Part 2

Raising Princesses, Marrying Queens and Empresses Part 2

By N Oji Mzilikazi

May 31, 2012

(Originally published in the Montreal Community Contact Volume 22, Number 10))
We are inundated by the smell and image of sex. Television, film, advertisements, magazines, clothing, music and videos invoke and or upraise sexual attractiveness, sexual desirability and idealised bodies. Technology, along with the Internet facilitates the easy capturing and transmission of sexual imagery, sex acts as well as employment as sexual functionaries.

The Internet played a huge role in the pervasive sexualisation. Its indispensability and the ability of navigators to bypass parental control/blocks attract sexual predators, also allow for the insertion and dissemination of sexually-explicit material in the most innocent of material – all towards attracting and infecting preteens and teens that ought to be allowed to normally grow into their own.

Biological/surgical technologies, pharmaceuticals, cosmetology and the beauty and fashion industries facilitate a prolonged culture of youthfulness, sexual attractiveness and sexual desire. Much older adults are now caught up in sexual consciousness, and in trying to reclaim previous ability to swing from chandeliers many don’t care to be circumspect. Thus those who ought to know better aren’t doing better and spreading a culture of sexual irresponsibility and promiscuity.

In the consumer marketing of sex as a commodity, professions like stripping, pole dancing, the adult film business, porn, prostitution, and related things like sex-toys that have been stigmatized for eons are now sanitized, and normalized. Making a tape/recording one’s sexual intimacy for posterity, to laugh at or critique is no big thing. Numerous are the girls making their way through halls of academia and moonlighting in the cyber and physical sex industry.

Unlike animals, the human young takes years to move beyond the state of helplessness, and even more years to mature and be independent. The process towards human maturity – adulthood – learning lessons to best navigate life is painstakingly slow.

Increasingly, parents can’t be bothered by the slow pace and requisite sacrifices parenting demands. Some just want to keep getting their drink and groove on – living the single and unencumbered life. So they act in ways that force their children into premature maturity or treat their children as miniature adults, regale in their sexual precociousness, encourage a force-ripe sexual consciousness and allow them far too many freedoms.

When a parent dispenses with age-appropriate style and clothing, gets their young child hooked on name brand/designer apparel, or involved in “big-people” conversations and business, it psychological detach the child from being a child. Also, gives the child a superficial and skewed value system that in the long run sets them up for exploitation.

Add to that the corporate success in branding, societal pressure exerted by advertisers, the clothing, beauty and sex industries and children are being primed to act like an adult or be one, setting the stage for their victimization.

A television ad for VH1’s 1999 Fashion Vogue affair featured actress Heather Locklear telling an 8-year-old Black girl to recognize the importance of fashion in life. (I was so incensed that I filed it.) Is that what girls at that age should be focused on? Given that discrimination against Blacks in America continues unabated, shouldn’t scholastic achievement be promoted over cosmetology?

The culture of cultivating young girls as future beauty queen and movie stars is so huge that there are reality television shows covering children beauty pageants. As per the evidence: huge numbers of child stars in music, television and film often end up so damaged that addictions to drugs, alcohol and or psychological problems mar their adult life. Mental, physical and emotional development cannot be fast-tracked.

In the name of corporate greed – profits, and parental stupidity, childhood is being hijacked. Children no longer have the luxury or the patience to enjoy being a child. Young girls can’t stand the slow pace to adolescence. The stereotyping of what constitute sexy have young girls suffering from body fears and eating disorders, wanting breasts enhancement, believing sex legitimizes maturity, and equating promiscuous behaviour with empowered femininity.

As mentioned in Part 1, scriptural doctrine entrenched female inferiority. From time immemorial, the patriarchal and machismo culture have been advantaging, dehumanizing and violating women with impunity. Bosnia, Nepal, Sri Lanka, Rwanda, Democratic Republic of the Congo, Sierra Leone, Liberia, South Sudan, Ivory Coast, and Chad are some of countries where sexual violence was unleashed on women.

Raping women and young girls was a weapon of war. Syria was added to the list this month. During Egypt’s 2011 Arab Spring, soldiers subjected detained female protestors to so-called “virginity tests.” There are places all around the world where womanhood is under siege, yet in the name of freedom our enlightened culture is doing backstrokes. Female objectification has worsened.

The reconstitution of sex as a purely physical/mechanical act has women now self-assisting in their dehumanization. They gladly embrace being sexual-freaks, sluts, bitches, ho’s and valued strictly for their sexual capacity, sex skills/sexual ability.

The dehumanization of femininity has resulted in females no longer perceived as maidens and daughters of kings – queens deserving to be protected by sword and shield. What is to become of our beautiful sisters, beautiful daughters, and our so lovely and affectionate grand-daughters? Can we protect them from the cultural sexual deluge as well as the power and force of their own sexuality?

Can we grow princesses – fearless and upstanding women to be a credit to the race, community and society? And what of our sons – are they ever going to encounter princesses – marry queens, beyond those who stake the claim only in the bedroom or when on all fours or on their backs? What are we doing to ensure they respect women and sing like Tarrus Riley – “She’s Royal?”

Conclusion next issue.